Still that sh*t

I want to get hurt.

A car accident, anything.

I want to get injured enough to wind up in a hospital, 
just to see if anyone would come to make sure I'm okay.

And I'd pretend to be sleeping or dying so in case anyone actually did come, 
they would sit at the edge of my bed, crying, 
and tell me everything.

I want to hear everything they've ever though of me, 
how they really feel, 
if they're sorry for anything.

I just want to know the truth.

And I want to know who truly cares about me.

( :

Click in to profile. 

Click the 'friends' sign at the right side of the cover photo.

Choose 'See Friendship'.

That was a very cruel story start from October.

All those never reverse.

Sorry, I can't do this.

I can't forget all those smile and feelings you gave me.

This is the first time I try to read and go through back all the conversation we have.

Message, WeChat, Facebook Message/Comment/Wall post , Line, Viber..

I tried to give up.

Now, I stuck.

So, as a conclusion we both are free.

I am just a stupid one coming out that situation late.

At lease I tried to stay you back as a friend.

Although we will never same as before. 

Cheer.. (:

OFFICIALLY SINGLE and SEEKING PARTNER.

I actually having a more initiative life because of this relationship failed. 

Lolzz

Keep on cleaning my house like mad grandmother.

Wish to had someone besides me!!

Damn..

Okay, it was enough internet for today..

I am already switch my time to AmericaTime though. 

Hard to survive.. /.\

One heart only have one door and many windows.

That door is for you.

If you day you regret to make me wait for three years, I'll be here.

I dare to said that anytime you need me I'll appear.

Just text me. (:

Although you might never saw this post. 

03rd December 2013

Having a really real day.

Alone but my dear fever is accompanying me.

Some health problems, I can only eat soup and porridge. 

It is really disturbing.. 

deciding that after the exam go for a surgery?

Maybe too frequently using earpiece,

my right ear is nearly deaf now.

I did keep trying to do something make it recover but it doesn't work.

I am looking as wide as I can.

After deciding to post 10 status, one for a day..

It was just like people having drugs and enchanted in their own world.

I make the first status that I posted to private.

That's all. 

It was clear enough that you have your own decision. 

I will remain, I think so. 

Or.. I will not show up anymore.  ( :

Raining day..

think enough and come back to the reality. 

Study hard! I hope so.. 

CALling Decision.

29.11.2013

The answer without an answer makes me stunned..

doesn't know how to continue up holding to remain.

told myself to move on and look forward.

actually I decided not to find you and comment on the status I usually comment

but I still did comment /.\ lolz

before I comment, never though that you will reply..

so suddenly you replies make me want to cry..

some feelings came so fast and want to rely on you..

felt that going to give up on myself..

just like what my classmate said 

eat the junk food that I have been stop eating since 6 months..

and felt that want to have some cigarettes.

previous week..

classmate keep asking and joking with me that did you come to fetch me

or did you sent me school for class today..

but the last class.. they change the topic..

keep asking what happen to me and said that I wrote all my feelings on my face. 

just a breakdown edge..

－CALling－

01.12.2013

After today, when will you think of me? Or never?

Your brain is full of rational

Did your heart ever approve your mind to miss me for awhile 

or your heart didn't send out any request to miss me..

Forget to tell you that.. 

I didn't felt happy and exited at all..

My exam is coming.. can you cheer me up? hah :x

Do you know I love control by you and let you organize everything

including where am I going and what am I eating. 

Do you know I even purposely smoke to want you stop me..

I think I really lost my mind and rational. @_____@!!

In the car.. 

black enough, dark enough, before I speak you started..

'going to cry again?'

I stunned and straight away answer you I will not.

But.. my eyes is holding tide the tears that going to drop..

You speak again 'Why your eyes so swollen didn't sleep well last night?'

Softly answer maybe.. but my heart is surging.. pain..

Why should you ask so..why you care of..

There is some feelings that telling me you are not the same as yesterday..

So close yet so far.. and more far away.. 

Maybe you haven't found this blog..?

You will not do something stupid as me..

listen to all the songs that you share.

Now.. 

there is no songs that represent of us and no words and explain too.

I'm crazy and I'm stupid..

I really didn't being so brave to speak out all those words..

Maybe I shouldn't speak though.

And in your eyes.. how silly and dumb I'm.

Mood been changing by someone and just like roller coaster..

And I even silly until bring the fly to you and being jelly!! Stupid..

Start from today, 

I will keep on paying my heart.. nor matter it is worth or not..

nor matter when I finish all those braveness..

nor matter when will I stop persevere..

Let's play it by ear.

The previous you gone and both of us become weird and weird..

My final decision.

I already standing here,

and giving out what I have and wanting something same come back.

10 reason, 10 status for you. Start from 2 December 2013. 

This time I might really all in, 

I knew it will hurts.

At lease I try to get what I want. (:

你沒做錯甚麼 是有些感覺變了 在心中拉扯

被你擁抱的幸福還溫暖著我

－－－我不愛你了 張芸京

聽你說什麼我都很快樂

接近你連影子都微笑著

怎麼都折不掉那道無形的隔閡

感覺再熾熱也不能讓飛蛾去撲火

不打擾你自由

認識你也許我就足夠了

緣分的深淺我都不管了

可能你感動也看不見我心如刀割

哪怕很痛過 至少就不算錯過

－－－好朋友只是朋友 鬱可唯

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruQyZm7UQ4I